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Nope. Too much…

After having the same conversation twice in the same day, i realized how truly passionate i am about this.

I don’t like frosting. The verb or the noun.


Frosting and decorating are not my things. “But cake needs frosting! Without it, it’s ju–” Hold up, hold up, I’ma let you finish, but i need to make my case.

A few months back, i went on a recon mission to scope out my closest competition. They had a nice little shop, celebrity endorsements and had just filmed an episode on a major network. I was impressed. I saw that someone with an idea and an oven could make it big in this niche industry. There were samples available of a couple of their cakes with the description of what was in them.  i got lost reading because there were so many alcohols mixed in (some on the menu had as many as 9!). But nonetheless, i tried them. The first sample was 50/50 cake to frosting. The frosting was 50/50 alcohol to sugar. It was a bit much, but the flavor of the cake was pretty good.  The second one was… wow. I’d say 40/60, 70/30 respectively.  I exhaled loudly after that one, as did the gentleman sampling along with me.  It was too much! Too much frosting, too much alcohol.  But nonetheless again, I powered on and bought a mini of a different flavor.  Their mini was about 1.5x the size of mine and was drowned in this alcohol-heavy frosting. Like it was pooled in the clamshell container and filled the hole of the bundt! The sugar was a solid right hook, the alcohol a upper cut to the jaw, but what floored me was the price. $17 for a mini bundt! Well hell, you had half a liquor store in the frosting; you gotta make up costs somewhere!

I got the cake home and let my husband try it. “Nope. They can keep that,” was his unprompted response. “Too much. Too much frosting.”  When i was a kid, i would scrape 

the frosting off of my cake and give it to my brother, but he wasn’t around for this one. I tried eating the cake from the center to avoid the sugar rush. That kinda worked. The cake was good. Nice moisture, good flavor. I would have enjoyed it. If not for the frosting.

Everywhere you go, cakes have a ton of frosting. To me, it detracts from the cake. That’s like smothering a ribeye in ketchup. What a waste of premium tastage. (yes, tastage is a word now.) What’s the point of eating cake if you can’t taste the cake through the frosting?

I want you to taste, savor and bask in the splendor of my cake. Enjoy every decadent bite. Notice the sweet, but not too sweet fluffiness. Nod at the way the alcohol gently flows across your palate like a whisper on the wind. Get lost in the nuance of the flavors. Eat Cake.  The topping (icing,  glaze, caramel or sugar) is there to make it pretty and offer a contrast to the cake. It’s not the star of the show. It’s the sidekick. The Watson to the Holmes. The Arthur to the Tick. The Robin to the Batman (Rest Well, Adam.).

Twice in one day i had this conversation. Twice i advanced the front line with passion and fervor. Twice i was met with, “Umm, okay…” expressions. That’s ok. Not everyone shares the same passions. Go ahead and chomp down on that sugar rosette.  Feel that soft, fluffy goo squish around your mouth, leaving it an ungodly red or green. And that black frosting? Oh yeah, baby! If you can stomach whatever that is, i applaud you! Extra points if you eat fondant…

Ok, I’m done. Let me give you the mic back…

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